Learning and Growing from a few Lessons in Life

 

I sit here completely broken yet so perfect at the same time.

Another year of my life has passed and my birthday is almost here. With each birthday, life becomes clearer. My mission becomes clearer.

At least this year I know why I was put on this planet (to inspire). I’ve been blessed with some major highs that have shown me just what is possible if I believe in myself. Now, it’s not just me that believes. That belief has reached well beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

Truth be told, I’ve had the biggest years of low’s in my entire adult life (10 years). These lows have defined my comeback.

I’m no longer going to hide from what I really think. I have learnt a lot from the past years.

Here are a few lessons you can use in your own life too:

1. We can’t be inspirational all the time

For some reason I come across a good friend, daughter and always there for others. I’m expected to always be inspiring. The truth is some days I don’t feel like being inspiring, and that’s okay. You can’t always be on. Some days you will be off. You’ll hate yourself, you’ll be lonely, you’ll be unmotivated and that’s okay.

2. Give to yourself once in a while

You can’t only give all of your talents to the world and never leave anything left for yourself. Sometimes you need to give yourself the following:

– Forgiveness. Messing up is guaranteed. Don’t be too hard on yourself

– Time. Low points in your life take time to get over. Give yourself that time.

– Knowledge. Break the mould once in a while and learn a new skill. Do something that scares the hell out of you.

3. Make new friends

Perhaps your current friends are what are holding you back. Maybe it’s time to make some new friends and get access to new experiences. One thing that has always helped me develop is to surround myself with people who think the same as me but do life differently. Some of them I watch closely and enhance the way they approach life in my own.

My definition of success always looked a certain way until I met people who had a totally different view of success. Our lives are often made up of ideas and goals we borrowed from other people. The more people you have around you that are positive, the more ideas you have to borrow.

4. Wear your heart on your sleeve

I’ve always believed you should do the opposite of the majority. That’s why I believe you should wear your heart on your sleeve. Say what you think and communicate how you feel. You’ll be surprised how much people appreciate this compared to the fakery that goes on day to day.

5. Success is seriously messed up

I’ve met a lot of people this who are obsessed with success. Normally I would love this but what I realized is that this so-called phenomenon has gone wrong for many people. Success is not about achieving all the time and being selfishly always about you.

As you mature, you realize that we have to go beyond ourselves. We have to care for other people. We have to contribute something meaningful to the world. After a while, being obsessed with a pursuit such as business can become overwhelmingly unfulfilling.

“Being successful is about having people who care about you, having someone to love and being dedicated to a mission that is far greater than you. All the money, sexual partners, fancy parties, degrees and nice clothes can’t do this for you”

6. Invest

Invest in the stock market

Invest in yourself

Invest in business, personal and romantic relationships

 

7. It’s okay not to be okay

There are going to be times in your life where it feels like you’ve just been hit by lightning. You are going to have times when you are not okay even if you are mega successful. It’s okay not to be okay.

Nobody is on cloud nine all the time even though we are often tricked into comparing our lives to others.

8. The people you admire can often be in a dark place

I’ve been lucky enough to lift the curtain on some of the people I admire. I learned that many of them are not as they seem. Many of them have either come from a dark place or are in a dark place right now. As humans, we’re fantastic actors.

We act out what we want others to believe about us because to be vulnerable and ask for help hurts our ego.

Focus on spending your time living your life and growing each day. Forget about comparing yourself to everyone else because chances are many of them are not who you think they are. People live in dark places all the time and you’ll never truly know who they really are.

At the same time, ensure you don’t go to that dark place yourself. Step into the light even during the hardest times in your life. Try to make sense of the events that happen to you which hurt like hell.

“Know that there is an empowering meaning for everything even if you can’t see it right now”

9. Your happiness starts with you

We’re all chasing the happy drug. What I’ve learned over the last year is that happiness starts with me. I have to stop having so many rules and expectation that make it impossible for me to be happy.

Think about your own happiness. Are you trying to reach some crazy definition of happiness that can’t possibly be fulfilled? Strip away the layers just like an onion. Try and simplify what you define as happiness. You’re in control of the ship and you can be happy with you if you let yourself.

10. Focus is the winning formula

Our attention is being brought and sold at every second. The moment we try and do anything, chances are, we have to use a device connected to the internet. As soon as we turn to our phone or tablet, there are a hundred distractions right in front of us.

By watching successful people, I’ve seen that focusing on one thing is the winning formula.

Our lives are already complicated enough and if you can’t find a way to divert your attention into the handful of things that matter to you, you’re unlikely ever to do anything that can be defined as success.

11. Ideas come from the weirdest places

To fuel your life, you need ideas. Ideas can come from everywhere and so you have to be consistently doing the following:

– Reading

– Listening to podcasts

– Watching documentaries

– Being curious

– Going to new places

– Attending events

Some of my best ideas have come from all these well-known activities. Open your mind and get out there and do stuff. If you don’t know what to do with your life or what your mission is, the answer is you need ideas. Then, you obviously need to take action on a few of them.

 

12. We’ll all find love

It may take time, but we will all find love at some point in our life. The key is not to give up and try and be patient. Having said that being patient is hard (I should know as a single woman). When the time is right you’ll find what you have always dreamt of and all the waiting will be worth it.

Don’t close your heart or tell yourself that love doesn’t exist for you. It does. Loves exists for everyone and you are worthy.

“Keep doing the reps towards your love goal just like you would in the gym”

13. Try not to judge

I find myself judging people without even knowing it. Not because I’m judgemental, but because people around me are and that influences me to do the same. Rather than judge people, help them. While judging people may make you feel good and help you to escape your own issues, it’s not an act that is going to help you live an inspired life.

Judging is taking away some of the power you have within you that could be used towards far better things such as your purpose. Watch how much you are judging and try and rein it in a little.

14. Don’t fall too in love with yourself

Especially once you have had a bit of success it’s easy to become obsessed with how good you are. Lighten up a bit and put your ego to the side. It’s nice that you can achieve some cool stuff, but don’t let it consume you.

You’re another human being just like me and while you are special in your own way, we’re all kind of the same in the end. Spread your success around rather than become focused on how good you are. No one likes a person who is over the top about their own success.

Flourishing Empowered Women
http://flowrishingtheewomen.blogspot.com
IG: @flowrishingwomen @milkflow
Twitter: @milkflows

How to build your brand while having your 9 - 5 job

We all have dreams. We want to run our own business, be our own boss and be that leading woman. But the truth is, we have bills to pay and we need a stable income for that. We have to come up with a plan to survive our day jobs while building our brands.

Depending on how much you love your job and how far you’re into your entrepreneurial journey, this can be either quite simple or ridiculously difficult.

But there are ways you can make it all a little easier.

Identify Your Why

Get clear on why you are still in your day job and why you need to be there. And just so you know – money is a perfectly good answer. Entrepreneurship is hard, it’s risky and going ‘all in or nothing’ isn’t the most appropriate choice for a lot of people.

Sometimes having the stability of a job and something to fall back on allows us to take bigger risks in our businesses. It can allow us to explore new opportunities that we may not have been able to before and gives us that little bit of comfort knowing we still have an income coming in.

Try reminding yourself of your ‘why’ as you’re getting ready for work and be sure to remind yourself again when you have a rough day. While it may be tempting to throw caution to the wind and go all in on your business, this might cause more stress in the long run.

Create Mini Vision Boards

For anyone who is a visually focused person, create a mini vision board for your workspace. If you can’t have one on display at work get a little creative – have it as your home screen on your phone, hang it on the inside of your locker door, pop it behind your visor in your car so you can see it easily, even have it printed on your coffee mug.

It may feel silly, but close your eyes and envision your success. Imagine what you will feel like when you reach your goals. Visualization is a powerful tool and can help you keep your aspirations at the front of your mind.

 

Write Down Your Goals Daily

It’s been shown that those who write their goals down daily are far more likely to achieve them than those who skip this task. Writing out your goals will keep them are the forefront of your mind and give you something positive to focus on.

You don’t need to be incredibly elaborate here. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and write out a handful of goals. You might choose to focus on your immediate goals – that is those you are going to achieve within the next week, or perhaps your more long term goals.

Keep these goals with you while you’re at work – and whenever you’re feeling like you are struggling with your job, have a look at your goals and remind yourself what it is you are going to achieve.

Celebrate Your Wins

I’m not one to celebrate my wins but every now and then I pat myself on my back. However, go out there and celebrate, big or small. Made it through another week at work bringing you one week closer to running your business full time? Celebrate it. Made a massive leap in your business? Celebrate it! Manage to work on your business in your lunch breaks for a whole week? Woohoo – celebrate it. Manage to write more than one article a day? Celebrate it!!

How you celebrate is up to you – perhaps you’d like to take yourself off for a manicure or a spa day for some of your bigger wins (or even your small ones – your call) or even just buying your favourite magazine or watch a chick flick.

Give Yourself Milestones

Milestones work in similar ways to goals but give you another form of concrete timeline to work towards.

Maybe once your business reaches a certain level you can start outsourcing and delegating in order for you to have some time to rest and recharge.

Whatever your milestones are write them down, make them achievable and remind yourself of them daily.

As much as you hate going to work, remind yourself that you are working towards something bigger and better. One step forward is better than no movement.

Stay positive.

Flourishing Empowered Women
http://flowrishingtheewomen.blogspot.com
IG: @flowrishingwomen @milkflow
Twitter: @milkflows

Things Successful Entrepreneurs Do Every Day

For the past few years I have engrossed myself in the Entrepreneurial culture. I’ve read millions of words in eBooks and went through the internet for every course, resource and scrap of information I can get my hands on and consumed it all. Most importantly I learned and still learn from successful Entrepreneurs by spending a lot of time with them.

In everything I’ve been gathering I started noticing similar trends that successful entrepreneurs do every day. A lot of them start their mornings at around 4-5am while others work out or meditate (I don’t see myself waking up that early).

If all successful people had the same strategies and we had to apply them to our daily lives, wouldn’t we also be at least putting our foot in the right direction?

Honestly, I sure do love my sleep and the laziest person; however, meditating is sure worth a try. Perhaps I should share these habits and strategies and we can work all apply them on our daily lives. Let’s see how far we can go…

1. Plan your day

I easily get distracted and waste time on unnecessary things. This would happen to anyone especially if you have a day job that also needs your undivided attention.

If you want to get things right and done, then plan your day. Successful entrepreneurs don’t just wake up and see where the day takes them, they know what tasks need to get done, what time they have scheduled in for themselves and use most of the given time.

I do my best work in the mornings, so I try to schedule at least three hours on my office work and focus on my writing just after lunch. Look at your calendar and prioritize your schedule. If you work best during a specific time of the day, block out those hours for a quiet work time.

Plan your breakfast, your date with a friend, how long you’ll take in a coffee shop and most importantly, keep your energy up by eating healthy.

2. Single-task.

We tend to believe that when we multi-task, we get do a lot done at once. Unfortunately, when you have too much going on at once you may become distracted by interruptions and unimportant glitches (facebook, instagram and text messages). Switch off your data.

To be productive and effective, prioritize, delegate whenever possible and focus.

3. Say no.

Most entrepreneurs feel pressure to accept every opportunity that comes their way. I’m one person who is always willing to assist and end up regretting all the time wasted because I don’t benefit the work done neither does my brand.

Time is our most valuable commodity. Be selective about what you agree to do.

4. Value your time.

Let me explain this.

Unlike money, time is a non-renewable resource. There’s simply no way to make more of it. Guard your time and spend it doing the most important things for yourself and your company. Avoid distractions whenever possible.

I know we get excited about having a potential client and jump at the first meeting request, but pause a bit. Whenever someone requests a meeting or consultation with you, try asking for the questions in advance so you can do your research ahead of time. This will keep you on time and on task. You are able to determine if the meeting is worth being held face to face or can be handled over the phone.

5. Delegate / outsource.

In the early days of my blogging, I thought I could do everything myself. Then I realized the small, ordinary tasks were taking me away from things important that needed my most attention. I was all over the place and overwhelmed.

From (most) successful entrepreneurs, outsourcing was a essential point in their business. It allowed them to grow their business much faster and bring in way more income than they would have if they had kept trying to do things on their own. They outsourced to experts.

 

Outsourcing tasks you either don’t like doing, or know someone can do better and faster than you will not only free up your time in your business to do what you do best, but also frees up so much more mental space and energy you may not have even realized was being drained.

6. Take a break.

Get up from your desk and eat lunch elsewhere. If you can’t spare even a moment away from work during the day, make lunch your networking hour. Schedule lunch meetings throughout the week with key clients, professional acquaintances and friends. 

7. Dedicate Time To Self-Development

Successful entrepreneurs use eBooks, courses, workshops, mentoring and coaching to increase their self- development. We never stop learning and we never stop growing.

One of the first things you should do when you start a business is invest in your own education and self -development, even if it’s just a few rands. And it should never end.

There are so many different ways you can include self-development. I attend a lot of workshops use eBooks and do short on-line courses. It’s one of the best way to self- develop and empower myself

Self-development is not only for business, learning more about who you are, how to understand your personality and use it in your business and how to be more self-aware are all ways you with grow both personally and professionally.

9. Rest & Recharge

You need to ensure you’re getting sufficient rest and recharge. What I’ve noticed about successful entrepreneurs is that they make time to sleep and recharge.

I have irregular sleeping patterns and that works for me as I prefer working while people are sleeping. However, you need about 6 hours to 8 hours sleep to feel relaxed and refreshed every morning.

In addition to restful sleep, many successful entrepreneurs also take regular time out from their business to recharge and gain a new perspective on things. This may be a holiday somewhere or a few days off here and there or even just some time spent around a different group of people, but all commented on the need to recharge their own batteries every now and then.

Not a lot of things to kick start a stable road to success, right? All you need to do is understand the need to create a balance in your life.

Flourishing Empowered Women
http://flowrishingtheewomen.blogspot.com
IG: @flowrishingwomen @milkflow
Twitter: @milkflows

 

 



Silent Changes

 

We’re always after transformation. So we work and we work. We buff up our bodies, we chisel our features, maybe we even read books and stuff our heads to bursting with theories and facts. Applying the mental model of labour to ourselves, we suppose that transformation, this prize, takes work.

But we are not transformed. No matter how hard we work, how clever or strong or pretty we become, underneath it all, we are still the same people, with the same fears and flaws, the same broken hearts and unmet dreams. What went wrong?

Transformation doesn’t take work. Transformation needs silence. The only work in transformation is getting to silence. Silence itself does the work, which is not work at all.

What do I mean by silence? There is the silence of the world, and the silence of the mind. I mean the silence of the mind. Not just a quiet street, no shouting co-workers, a phone on silent mode. Not no external noise, but no internal noise.

Feelings are products of thoughts. If you think “I am this”, then you will feel that. I am unloved — sad. I am unworthy — ashamed. And so on. Therefore, when the mind is silent, the heart too is silent.

How do we get to silence? We’re always seeking it — especially if and when we don’t think we are. We’re consumed by thoughts of sex, desire, accomplishment, and belonging. Why? All these are just paths that lead us to a brief glimmering moment of genuine silence. The mind stops speaking. The heart is still. There is nothing left in us but what is truly there.

What is the thing that is truly there? Genuine silence means there is no “I” anymore. Sex, desire, accomplishment, belonging. We have them, win them. Just for an evanescent second, in these moments, there is no “I” anymore, is there? There is something deeper and truer and wholer. Something to which the “I” is the drop, and it is the ocean.

And yet, even these moments, where we lose the “I”, don’t really transform us. They relieve us — for a time. But all the sex in the world does not make you a happier or better person, in lasting ways. Why not?

The eye cannot see itself. The “I” cannot see itself. When we are in the mode of “I”, when we are in the self, we cannot see the self. Only in pure silence can we see the self. We can see it as it truly is. Fragile, wounded, broken, noble, beautiful.

Seeing the self as it truly is the acts which heals it. Why? How can just seeing a thing heal it? Just think about it in your own life. Those moments where someone has really seen you, not the idea of you, are the instants in which you have genuinely felt loved.

This is pure love. Love without judgment, condition, time, place, need. Seeing the “I” is self love, in this case. Self love is not the “I” telling itself over and over again that is wonderful, beautiful, pretty, handsome, famous, rich. Self love is the ability to surrender the “I”, so it can really be seen. Only what is really seen is loved. What is unseen remains broken.

We can apply this love to others as well, once we have learned it. We can really see them, instead of just looking at them through the eye of the “I”: with desire, hate, anger, resentment, and so on. By seeing them, without judgment, only with grace and truth, they begin to be healed. They are loved. But who is doing the loving?

What is seeing the “I”, if it is not the “I”? The answer is very simple. You are used to thinking that all there is to you is the “I”. You are always conflicted, aren’t you? Thrilled by sex, maybe a little scared of it. Excited by climbing the mountain where the adrenaline will cause you to lose the I — but also afraid of it. Charged up to conquer the day, where for a moment here or there, you forget about the I — but also exhausted by the tedium of it. All these conflicts are the result of the “I” thinking it all is there is to the self. When the “I” thinks “I am all there is”, then the being is left conflicted: if the “I” is all there is, why does the self feel happiest, truest, when there is no “I”?

What is seeing the “I” is the true self. The true self is not the sum of experience, history, memory, thought. It is the part of you that is the whole. It is what feels connected in you, when you sit before the sunset, to all being, without you thinking a thought, or saying a word. How could that be? Because it is the part of you that is not a part at all. The true self is the whole universe in you. What else could it be? Universe, one whole.

You will say that is against science and reason. It is the logical outcome of science and reason. The human being is the conflicted one, the little one, the fallen one. But the being inside the human is none of those. That being is one. The true self in you is the true self in me. Go ahead and think about it. The patterns of our experiences differ, but only the patterns. The substance does not: we will all suffer, rise, fall, triumph, despair. And yet through that, there is always a part of us that is there observing, as still as snow, as pure as fire, radiating boundless love. That being in us is universal.

All transformation is a road towards being that, towards that being. Whatever we think we seek, behind it lies the quest to extinguish the “I”, and be seen by what it hides. That is all this little life is: the ache of love that binds us all together.

Transformation doesn’t take work. It takes silence. The silence of the mind, the stillness of the heart. In that silence, the universe reveals itself. Not to you. But as you.

Flourishing Empowered Women
http://flowrishingtheewomen.blogspot.com
IG: @flowrishingwomen @milkflow
Twitter: @milkflows

Defeat the darkness - Be the Light

 

 

 

When you think about it, darkness has no real power. All the darkness in the universe can’t put out the littlest flame. The darkest darkness can’t travel through a window. The deepest darkness can’t be reflected in a mirror.

 

Darkness only has power when we believe that there are monsters lurking it. Then we grow afraid, angry and desperate. We build entire mythologies around them. But they were never really there at all. Because the moment we light a flame, they are instantly dispelled.

 

Another way to put that is:

 

The smallest ember is more powerful than all the darkness in the universe. It alone can drive the darkness out. Reflected, even the smallest flame can burn away all the darkness that ever was. But the greatest darkness cannot even touch the smallest flame with the slightest caress.

 

The same is true in you, is it not?

 

The darkness in you is powerful only when you believe there are monsters lurking in it. Rejection, inferiority, dishonor, loss, failure. We imagine these things and more constantly. Then there is anger, vengeance, grief. Whatever the monsters are, there they dwell, in the darkness.

 

But they are not really real. They are just anticipations, expectations, projections. So they are illusions, are they not?

 

You may imagine these illusions are powerful. But they will only take away your power. You will be chasing phantoms, will you not? What power is there in that? When we are directed by anger, fear, envy, spite, that is what we are doing. Our lives feel futile because they are.

 

 

How do we drive them out instead? Even the smallest spark will do.

 

The smallest spark of compassion for your adversaries, empathy for those who differ from you, forgiveness for those who have hurt you. Beginning with you. The littlest flame of rebellion, creativity, gratitude, imagination, appreciation, truth. In every small intention and action.

 

The moment these come into being you, and all around you, see the monsters as they truly are. Not as evil creatures with the terrible power to make you suffer. But just feeble, frightened people, trapped in the darkness, imagining monsters, just like you.

 

We are all each other’s monsters, are we not? What does that tell us? We are all in the same cave. It is dark. We imagine others as monsters. But when we light a spark, then we see they are just like us. Afraid because they are imagining monsters. But now you see the monsters are just each one suffering, powerless beings. Who have taken away their own power by imagining monsters in the darkness.

 

Don’t take away your power. You do that when you imagine monsters. But you have the greatest power in all creation. The power to light a spark. Any tiny light defeats the greatest darkness, remember?

 

There is nothing more powerful that ever will be than the many names of love. It is the most powerful thing that can be. Because it brings all suffering things together in the light, and teaches them the impossible beauty of life.

 

 

Seek the darkness. Be the spark. That is where your power lies. Darkness is the littlest thing in all creation. You are the mightiest. You just don’t know it yet.

 

 

Flourishing Empowered Women
http://flowrishingtheewomen.blogspot.com
IG: @flowrishingwomen @milkflow
Twitter: @milkflows

Seeing with your heart {Look inside. Not outside }

There you are. Here I am.

Can we ever really know one another? There is a gap greater than worlds between us. My experience is mine, and yours is yours. How can we bridge it, limited things that we are? I can’t step into your mind.

So we try with the only crude tools we have.

You tell me who you are. I tell you who I am. I try to listen. But what can I really hear? I hear what I think, my inner voice, before I hear you. You hear yourself thinking before you speak to me. Now there is conflict, dissonance, noise, all these voices competing to be heard. The distance between us is greater this way, not less.

You watch me. I watch you. I try to see you, you try to see me. But I am really just watching the idea of you. You are watching the idea of me. Now there is imperfection, need, desire. Are you what I want? Do you live up to my ideal? Are you part of my tribe? We are seeing through the broken mirror of mind. The distance between us this way is the greatest of all.

I close my eyes. You close your eyes.

I let all this thinking, talking, watching go. I go deep inside me, to see you. Until I reach perfect stillness.

I watch myself. Watch myself thinking, knowing, needing. I watch myself suffering, clinging, trying to hold onto the wave mind calls a self.

Now I really see what is.

The ocean in me. It is the same ocean in you. Just like me, you are thinking, needing, clinging, holding onto your wave. Just like me, you have suffered, fought, held, surrendered, wondered, imagined, created, loved. That is what a wave does.

Now I see you.

I saw you not by opening my eyes. That closed my heart. I saw you by closing my eyes. So I could see with my heart.

Now when you tell me your story, I see the wave in you, travelling across the same ocean as me. How it grew, struggled, travelled. Just like mine did. Now I see you with love, compassion, real understanding, true wisdom. I see you now, because I have seen that the ocean in is the ocean in me.

We look, but we don’t see. You are a wave, I am a wave. Each wave is different. But the story of the wave is the same. Each returns to and is born from the same ocean. Each life is all life in this great way.

I must look through me to really see you. Not at you. That way, there is no seeing at all.

The ocean in you is the ocean in me. If you really want to see people, look inside, not outside. Until you reach it, find it, see it. And you will see everyone you meet for the first time, every time.



Flourishing Empowered Women
http://flowrishingtheewomen.blogspot.com
IG: @flowrishingwomen @milkflow
Twitter: @milkflows